Twilight Series Rant - August 2008

*To my dismay and your amusement, my August 2008 Twilight Series rant - Breaking Dawn Part II*

*Enjoy!*

(continued from BDR-I, see below)

[WARNING! This is a rant, not a proper book review. My English teacher would bite my head off if she were to read this]

Alice.

WHY?! WHYYYY??!! Whatever happened to her past? To her misterious creator who bit her to save her from a vengeful vampire? What happened to the object of desire-ahem, POWER desire- of the leader of the Volturi Coven, the fiercest Coven of our time? Oh, she had some errands to run. But yeah, she made it in time and saved the day. Because, she DID save the day, you know? Has anyone noticed? Sure, Edward says the Volturi were looking for an excuse to get out of battle (because they were PETRIFIED by Bella's shield) but did anyone even noticed that it was Alice who actually stopped the fight from happening? Oh, maybe Esme did, but who cares about Esme? [I do!]

We'll never know what actually happened between James and that vampire. We know all of the Cullen's stories, except for her. It's outrageous but it makes me feel a bit better to know that at least she and Jasper are different. They have so much potential... something I truly believe is that the Volturi wanted Alice to join them so badly.

The Battle.

At page 540, when AT LAST the action, the plot, the conflict of the book starts, I was again hoping it would all be worth it (once again, thanks to Alice) The next something-hundred pages are all about getting ready for the big battle. The greatest vampire gathering in history to face the terrible Volturi. The battle was to be legendary... if only there had been a battle at all.

Ok, kids, I understand that the author is not fond of violence and is a really religious person, got it. But it sucks [author-wise] that she built all that anticipation for something that doesn't happen in the end. It all went back to where it started: the Volturi might come down here some day and they might kill us all then... just, not today. Maybe that will happen in another book. Or in a couple more books. Or maybe in a whole new series of books. Or maybe never at all.

Who knows?

*sigh*

Well, thing is, I'm disappointed (as I'm sure you've noticed). The first book was silly and, well, bad. Just plain bad. But it was entertaining. The second and third were waaaaaaaay better, cause they actually had plots and conflicts and it was not all about the FOREVER-AND-EVER love relationship. Yes, they did have their AWFUL flaws, but it was getting better.

So there I was, silly me, hoping the fourth book was going to be better. Hoping the author was gonna show just how much her skill had developed. But no. It was all back to a silly fanfic story. 540 pages of drama that could have easily been avoided-even without abortion. I do not support abortion, but I would have been a bit disturbed about having an unknown, undead spawn growing inside of me. And killing me as it did. Post-540-pages of drama, we see a faint light. A plot? We could only hope...

And then hope was crushed by the weight of happily-ever-after in the form of a big fat ugly lady. No battles. No struggle. No pain, no game. And nobody dies, of course, how could ANYONE die... they're all undead, arent't they?

...

I hadn't read any other reviews (not that this is one, this is a RANT) til JUST now. But it seems I'm not the only one disappointed (although I already knew that Lucia and Denise were with me-LUCIAAA!!!)

I think book returning is one of the worst things you can do to an author. Like burning it or destroying it in public. I know I said I wanted to chew some pages off or throw the copy out the window... but please understand that I had just been dumped by a werewolf =P

No, but honestly, the book was a big let down.

Just when it was starting to get better...

CRASH!

It all went back to fanfic story.

I hope you're happy now, Jake *sniff* Just pray that Billy is right and you've chosen the best girl to procreate (HAVE SEX! YES SEX!) with. Cause if not, well, you'll be having a hard time to get a half-vampire pregnant once she reaches "adulthood".

Who knows?


P.S: By the way, didn't vampires reek? Weren't they supossed to be your enemies, the very reason why you even SHIFTED?

Twilight Series Rant - August 2008

*Twilight Series Rant - Breaking Dawn Part I*
 
IT'S OVER BETWEEN US, JACOB BLACK!

How could you, Jacob? How could you?...

Why?! WHY?! Why did you have to go and break my heart! I loved you unconditionally, truly and madly. And you just HAD to imprint on that... that... FETUS!

UGH! Jacob, it's not fair! You were all about CHOICES, all about free will, all about falling in love and not letting some ancient genetic predisposition rule your love life.

But no. You had to go and imprint on the half-vampire, Ruh-nez-may (I'll get to the names part later). It's just outrageous, had it not been Lucia's copy, I would have chewed the page right out from the book. Oh, alright, it took me a few re-reads to realize what was going on. But you can't really blame me: one minute Jacob's about to phase to KILL the child and the next... she is the reason why he exists, the center of the whole cosmos, of the universe [That's not a quote, I can't recall the exact words and I don't have the book with me to look'em up] [Not that I would, though, that would be tempting enough to bite it off].

Ok, I must admit this Jacob-imprinting-on-Bella's-daughter took me by surprise and under other circumstances it would have been cool to have such a twist in the plot.

But come ooooooooooooon! It turned out bad. Like, REALLY bad. It feels like an insult to the character. Jacob supported Bella til the end, and I mean, til the very end. He only gave up when she died (the fact that she was brought back by vampire venom and turned into an undestructable undead will not be taken into account here). He did all he could for her, loved her desperately (maybe a bit too desperately) and always stuck to his idea of loving not imprinting. Sure, he had a weak moment and decided to run and try to imprint, but who can blame the poor guy, after such circumtances?

I think Meyer did an awful job at tying up all the loose ends. She doesn't know how to solve problems. Oh! Jacob wont' be able to get over Bella, hmmm, well, let's FORCE him into falling in love with someone else. Oh! I know! He can fall in love with Bella's daughter that way we can blame that whole attraction between both and ease the sexual tension by hinting at [as Lucia calls it]him feeling attracted to the child from the beginning... no one will notice that she wasn't even CONCEIVED. And the child can have like, super accelerated growth so it won't sound as creepy. Oh! But it will have to conveniently stop when she's a grown up. And they will all be a big happy inmortal family, yay!

BULLSHIT! What kind of stupid character development plan is that? I liked Jacob because he treated Bella not as a pet (like Edward does) but as a person! Yet, now it seems he will be the pet in his new relationship [*sniff*] Oh! HI!! I'm Nessies's big furry lover! Yes, you can pat my head and, for a puppy snack, I will roll on my back and let you scratch my tummy.

What happened to you, Jake? I thought Leah was gonna hammer some sense into your troubled head. I thought maybe, with a bit of luck, you could even end up together (but that was only a hope). I truly did believe she was gonna make you snap out of it so you could start to heal.

Speaking of whom...

LEAH!

She was finally getting into the spotlight, finally we could see through her whining (which was often mentioned but never actually shown) and grasp a bit of her true pain and drama and yadda yadda yadda. And hey, maybe she's not that much of a bitch (no pun intended) but more of a female having to share ALL her intimacy with a bunch of male teenagers on steroids. Hey, she might actually be nice aftera- HEY! Where did she go? What happened to Leah? Oh, there she is. At the very back, supporting character of the supporting character again.

What a pity.
Really, what a waste.

That's a major thing about the book. So many characters with so much potential. Leah, the only female shape-shifter; Bejamin, the vampire who controls the elements; Garett, the revolutionary vampire; Zafrina, the wild Amazon vampire who can create illusions, among others. But no. They'll have to accept their small share of the spotlight because this girl with a most-scary SHIELD OF LOVE drived the MOST menacing army of vampires away in fear fear. PUH-lease!

That's like making a movie starring Jane Doe with Keira Knightley and Johnny Depp as secondary characters and Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt only apprearing in screen a couple of times for a couple of minutes. In a three-hour-long movie.

And not even THAT.

(to be continued...)