martes, 30 de julio de 2013

Twilight Series Rant - August 2008

*To my dismay and your amusement, my August 2008 Twilight Series rant - Breaking Dawn Part II*

*Enjoy!*

(continued from BDR-I, see below)

[WARNING! This is a rant, not a proper book review. My English teacher would bite my head off if she were to read this]

Alice.

WHY?! WHYYYY??!! Whatever happened to her past? To her misterious creator who bit her to save her from a vengeful vampire? What happened to the object of desire-ahem, POWER desire- of the leader of the Volturi Coven, the fiercest Coven of our time? Oh, she had some errands to run. But yeah, she made it in time and saved the day. Because, she DID save the day, you know? Has anyone noticed? Sure, Edward says the Volturi were looking for an excuse to get out of battle (because they were PETRIFIED by Bella's shield) but did anyone even noticed that it was Alice who actually stopped the fight from happening? Oh, maybe Esme did, but who cares about Esme? [I do!]

We'll never know what actually happened between James and that vampire. We know all of the Cullen's stories, except for her. It's outrageous but it makes me feel a bit better to know that at least she and Jasper are different. They have so much potential... something I truly believe is that the Volturi wanted Alice to join them so badly.

The Battle.

At page 540, when AT LAST the action, the plot, the conflict of the book starts, I was again hoping it would all be worth it (once again, thanks to Alice) The next something-hundred pages are all about getting ready for the big battle. The greatest vampire gathering in history to face the terrible Volturi. The battle was to be legendary... if only there had been a battle at all.

Ok, kids, I understand that the author is not fond of violence and is a really religious person, got it. But it sucks [author-wise] that she built all that anticipation for something that doesn't happen in the end. It all went back to where it started: the Volturi might come down here some day and they might kill us all then... just, not today. Maybe that will happen in another book. Or in a couple more books. Or maybe in a whole new series of books. Or maybe never at all.

Who knows?

*sigh*

Well, thing is, I'm disappointed (as I'm sure you've noticed). The first book was silly and, well, bad. Just plain bad. But it was entertaining. The second and third were waaaaaaaay better, cause they actually had plots and conflicts and it was not all about the FOREVER-AND-EVER love relationship. Yes, they did have their AWFUL flaws, but it was getting better.

So there I was, silly me, hoping the fourth book was going to be better. Hoping the author was gonna show just how much her skill had developed. But no. It was all back to a silly fanfic story. 540 pages of drama that could have easily been avoided-even without abortion. I do not support abortion, but I would have been a bit disturbed about having an unknown, undead spawn growing inside of me. And killing me as it did. Post-540-pages of drama, we see a faint light. A plot? We could only hope...

And then hope was crushed by the weight of happily-ever-after in the form of a big fat ugly lady. No battles. No struggle. No pain, no game. And nobody dies, of course, how could ANYONE die... they're all undead, arent't they?

...

I hadn't read any other reviews (not that this is one, this is a RANT) til JUST now. But it seems I'm not the only one disappointed (although I already knew that Lucia and Denise were with me-LUCIAAA!!!)

I think book returning is one of the worst things you can do to an author. Like burning it or destroying it in public. I know I said I wanted to chew some pages off or throw the copy out the window... but please understand that I had just been dumped by a werewolf =P

No, but honestly, the book was a big let down.

Just when it was starting to get better...

CRASH!

It all went back to fanfic story.

I hope you're happy now, Jake *sniff* Just pray that Billy is right and you've chosen the best girl to procreate (HAVE SEX! YES SEX!) with. Cause if not, well, you'll be having a hard time to get a half-vampire pregnant once she reaches "adulthood".

Who knows?


P.S:
By the way, didn't vampires reek? Weren't they supossed to be your enemies, the very reason why you even SHIFTED?